maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Randomize
