can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
