we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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