so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
