That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize