I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize