You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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