well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize