You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize