There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
