I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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