Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Randomize
