I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
