I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Randomize
