but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Randomize
