The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
