she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
