I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
