I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
