I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize