I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
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