i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
