she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
