i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
