You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
