Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
