Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
