I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
