Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
