u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
