STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
