How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
