Soap is not a condiment
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
