our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
