i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
