Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
