he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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