We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
