I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
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