I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
