Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Randomize
