I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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