I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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