every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Come share oat with me in your robe
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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