dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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