i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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