I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
