A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
