Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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