At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
