It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Did I show you my penis last night?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
