A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
