We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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