Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
