oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Two words: blizzard sex
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
