the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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