dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
