do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
