is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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