Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
