he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Randomize
