going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Someone came in the potted fern
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
