Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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