rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
