Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
