My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
