HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize