Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Randomize