Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
