apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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