I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
It's never too late to be topless.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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