the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
