We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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