Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Randomize