I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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